Seth Taylor

Reporter: “Have you been bad? Have you been a bad boy, Mr. President? Have you been misbehaving?”

Trump: [ explodes ]

That election is about to be stolen so fucking hard

“Is he smart or is he… like me?”

This is absolutely disgusting!

I can’t believe three people had sex with Lauren Boebert

He’s as likely to go to prison as he is to have his face on Rushmore

McConnell doing what he’s best at: stalling

I hope by Europe he means Russia, cause the EU doesn’t want him

I know, right? I called fifty times to ask if he can still get hard and they hung up on me every time.

EDIT: I have just set everyone up for a lot of rigor mortis jokes, have I not?

Speak for yourself, pal

I will eat this rose and love it!

No, I won’t remove the thorns!

No, YOUR MOUTH is bleeding!

My parents installed nets to guard their garden for hail a couple years ago after a bad storm

My parents keep a large garden. Used to be my grandparents’, who relied on it for half their food.

It’s a lot of work. It’s worth it where I am cause vegetables at the supermarket are often so full of pesticides they taste like gasoline. It’s literally a problem money can’t solve. But man is it a lot of work… I don’t know what will happen when they get too old to do it anymore. I’m not sure I can do it.

People ask me why I don’t buy from anyone associated with the far-right anymore. “Isn’t it difficult? Do you think it really helps? Why do you do it?”

“Cause I might shit my pants” is not an answer I expected to be able to give

EDIT: Actually, I should give that answer every time.

“Why don’t you get a Tesla?” Might shit my pants

“Why ditch Microsoft for Linux?” Might shit my pants

“Are you really cancelling your Amazon?” Shiiiit my paaaaants

Solid burn